communication

Relationships, Excuses and Family

This blog is based on the past Easter and Passover vacation.  I had so many of my clients comment and question their adult situations as they related to the nuclear family grew up in.  Excuses, blame and more excuses.  This is one family stress model and there would be no reason for changes just because we grow up, moved across the country or continued living in the same home..

Family Stress model

A= equals stressor

B = equals definition of stressor

C= equals perception of stressor

X =equals the families adaptation of event and resilience of the family.

It is important for no one to be a victim in the situation.  The best outcome in a family is characteristics of joint cause and good problem solving skills.

Maybe this didn't happen in your family.  If you can let go of the attachment you have with the past outcome and be proactive to let the past go.  

Stress is a reaction to crisis.  A crisis is a crucial situation; anything that is not normal is considered a crisis, if you are a young  family member this can be endless.  If you are in a family situation where there is a lot of stress going on daily, sometimes it is just plane unavoidable.  Major illness, unemployment and the death of a family member are the top three.  Drug abuse is next. If you are in the thick of it now, pay attention to this.

There are survival techniques for the entire family.

Make a point to get out for a break.  Daily gratification is important.  Sounds cliché’ but listing what you do have helps.  It is important to share with people, bosses, co-workers, social workers, kid’s teachers etc. who can help you with life flexibility to do what is needed in accessing residual resources to the family unit.  Stress management strategies are exercising, biofeedback, religion and spirituality, getting enough sleep, being involved in something other than the stressful situation, having a sense of humor can help when you have nothing else but yourself , let out a belly laugh.

Trying to control a situation is not going to give everyone a chance to be heard.  Communication with as many members involved is the key.